


The Games I Play

by impalaloompa



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gay Bashing, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mild Language, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 08:30:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14733518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impalaloompa/pseuds/impalaloompa
Summary: “Trina. My work’s annual dinner evening. You have to bring a plus one. We always went together. They will be expecting her to be there. But she won’t come,” Marvin folded his arms across his chest.“You could always take me,” Whizzer joked, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, but then he stilled and his expression softened, “Take me. I… I could go.”





	The Games I Play

**Author's Note:**

> Yay, another Falsettos fic. This musical has taken over my life. I'm so sorry all my WIPs, I will get round to you eventually.
> 
> Set around the beginning of Falsettos

“God dammit,” Marvin slammed the phone back on the receiver and thumbed his temples. 

“Marv?” Whizzer peeked at him over the top of the couch.

Marvin dug his nails into his palms, seething, frustrated.

“Marvin?” Whizzer was now leaning over the couch, brow knitted in a frown.

Marvin let out a long, forced sigh, stomped over to the armchair and threw himself down in it.

“She won’t do it. She won’t come. God dammit,” he grumbled.

“Who won’t do what now?” Whizzer had swivelled back round to give Marvin his attention but the expression on his face was far from concern. 

“Trina. My work’s annual dinner evening. You have to bring a plus one. We always went together. They will be expecting her to be there. But she won’t come,” Marvin folded his arms across his chest.

“Can you blame her?” Whizzer was struggling to control the grin threatening to erupt on his face, “I mean seriously? After everything that’s happened over the past nine months-“

“Ten months.”

“-did you really expect her to be willing to play this… this game? This charade? Out in public?” it never ceased to amaze him how insensitive Marvin could be to others and he thoroughly enjoyed these little tantrums Marvin threw when things didn’t go his way. 

Marvin scowled at him.

“I can’t go alone. What the hell am I going to do?” he snapped.

“You could always take me,” Whizzer joked, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, but then he stilled and his expression softened, “Take me. I… I could go.”

“What?” Marvin scoffed, “You can’t be serious. You and me? Together? Among my colleagues and bosses and-and,” he faltered at the earnest brimming in Whizzer’s eyes.

Marvin swallowed hard, “No, Whiz. No. I can’t- we couldn’t- none of them know. None of them know and they… wouldn’t take it well.”

“You can’t keep pretending you’re something you’re not,” Whizzer had had this talk with Marvin a million times but no matter how hard the younger man tried to get through to him, Marvin still lived in a state of denial when it came to the outside world.

“And so what if they knew? So what?” he tried to play coy but blanched at Marvin’s eruption of anger.

“I would lose my job, that’s what. And that wouldn’t suit you Whizzer, would it? No. No, who else will feed you and support you and house you? Huh? Buy you nice things? Take you back in even though you can’t keep your dick in your pants,” Marvin was on his feet towering over Whizzer and blowing like a rhinoceros. 

Any other time, Whizzer would have risen to challenge him. Pretended Marvin’s words didn’t hurt and shot back at him with snarky and equally hurtful comments. Any other time. But not this time. He just stayed put, meeting Marvin’s eyes with a level expression.

Not going the way he expected it to, Marvin deflated a little and stepped back to take in his lover.

He still couldn’t understand how someone a beautiful as Whizzer, as fun and as witty and as romantic and as fucking beautiful as Whizzer, stuck around to be with someone like him. And him sitting there, on the couch, with defiance in his eyes and stubbornness in his heart, Marvin, yet again, found himself reeling at how lucky he was.

“You really want to come?” he asked softly.

Whizzer nodded, eyes wide and lips taut. 

Marvin chewed his lip.

“Come on. Please? I never get to just… go out with you,” Whizzer pleaded.

“Fine. Fine. You can come,” Whizzer lit up, “But not ‘together’ together, okay?” Whizzer wilted, but quickly perked up again once deciding that this was the best he was going to get. 

***  
There was a nervous pang in his heart as he and Whizzer approached the hotel where the dinner was being held.

He knew that Whizzer was struggling to resist the urge to hold his hand to comfort him. The younger man kept flexing his fingers and almost brushing hands with him. Marvin had to admit that he wanted nothing more than to stride in there, hand in hand with his lover like any normal couple attending a corporate dinner. But they weren’t a normal couple, and Marvin had to push down the fear of what might happen if anyone found out.

He could tell that Whizzer was on edge as well. He kept fiddling with his tie and shuffling his shirt collar under his suit jacket. This was a big step they were taking together, even if it was only part of another game.

“Now remember, you’re my cousin. You’re visiting from D.C and you’ve come to stay for a few days. Trina is ill, that’s why you’ve accompanied me tonight,” Marvin said again for the umpteenth time that evening.

“I know,” Whizzer rolled his eyes.

“And try not to be…too much. Try not to be too-“

“Gay?” Whizzer snapped at him.

“Yes,” Marvin nodded, focused on the door ahead. 

“Right,” Whizzer mumbled.

They greeted the doorman and moved into the hotel lobby. There were a few people milling about but the dinner was being held in a suite upstairs so Marvin lead Whizzer to the elevator and pressed the button. 

Whizzer side-eyed him as they waited, earlier annoyance gone as he admired Marvin in his suit. Marvin caught his gaze and flashed him a smile as the cheery ping alerted of the elevator’s arrival.

They stepped inside and the doors swept shut, then the elevator began its swift climb. 

They were the only two in the elevator so Whizzer took the opportunity to plant a firm, wet kiss on Marvin’s pliable lips. Marvin jolted in surprise but quickly melted into Whizzer’s mouth and brought his hands up to caress his lover’s cheeks.

“Everything is going to be fine,” Whizzer breathed against Marvin’s lips. 

Marvin nodded, his heart fluttering in his chest like a trapped bird.

Whizzer flashed him an ear to ear smile then broke the closeness as the elevator doors slid open. 

They wandered down the hall until they came to the suite and were shown inside by another doorman. 

Whizzer had chased away the gnawing misgivings in his gut and he was very ready to have a good time. As the pair wove their way through the crowd, Marvin introducing Whizzer to esteemed colleagues and their wives, he forged a plan on what he was going to do with Whizzer when they got home.

First things first, the suit had to go, Marvin mused as Whizzer laughed politely at a joke from a man in a tailcoat. Then, his perfectly styled hair. Marvin imagined they way Whizzer would gasp as he tugged at those thick locks, the way his breath would hitch in his chest and a flush would colour his cheeks. Whizzer shook hands with another of Marvin’s colleagues and accepted a glass of wine. He would trail kisses down Whizzer’s chest, getting lower and lower, driving Whizzer crazy with need-

“Marvin,” a booming voice interrupted his little day dream.

“Mr. Roberts. Good evening,” Marvin smiled and shook hands with his boss.

“Clive Roberts,” the man offered his hand to Whizzer who shook it with a smile.

“Whizzer Brown,” Whizzer replied.

“Now this isn’t your beautiful wife Marvin? Where is Trina this evening?” Roberts innocent question had Marvin’s mouth going dry.

“She’s not well unfortunately. Whizzer is my cousin and offered to accompany me this evening instead,” he was sure his lie was see through but Roberts just nodded and beamed at Whizzer.

“I’m sure you’ve plenty storied about our Marvin here,” he slapped Whizzer heartily on the back.

“You’ve no idea,” Whizzer smirked.

Marvin shot him a look and Whizzer winked at him.

“Come, come, you must tell me how a cousin of Marvin’s-“ Marvin lost the rest of the conversation as Whizzer was whisked away by his boss.

He forced himself to quell the initial spark of panic and had to trust that Whizzer wouldn’t give him away. 

Marvin felt himself begin to relax as the evening went on. He knew that dinner would be called soon and decided to find Whizzer again so that they could find a place at a table.

He slipped through the crowd until he found Whizzer, still with Roberts and a few of the other higher management. The men were laughing at something Whizzer had said.

Warmth flooded Marvin as he watched his lover. Whizzer was relaxed and animated and having a good time. He couldn’t believe he had been so reluctant to bring him. This was Whizzer’s element and he couldn’t think of a better way to spend time with him.

Marvin approached the group and Whizzer grinned at him.

“You’ve just missed me telling these guys how amazing you are and that you deserve a raise,” he beamed at Marvin and Robert’s chuckled.

“Whizzer here thinks very highly of you,” he mused.

Marvin’s gut twisted and he struggled to form a coherent sentence.

Whizzer came to his rescue.

“Well, I don’t get to see him much and how could I not take the chance to big him up to his bosses,” he slung his arm around Marvin’s shoulder as the other men laughed.

A completely innocent, friendly gesture, but without thinking, Marvin leaned into him and tucked an arm around his waist.

Roberts and the other men froze. He felt Whizzer stiffen and jerk his arm off his shoulders. With horror, Marvin realised what he had done and quickly let his arms drop to his sides.

Roberts was regarding him with a steely glare.

“Cousins,” he growled.

“We, uh, we’re very close?” Whizzer offered weekly.

Marvin grabbed Whizzer by the arm and hauled him away. He pushed his way through the crowd, convinced everyone was staring at them, even though the other guests were oblivious of the exchange.

“Ow, ow, ow, will you let go?” Whizzer whined as Marvin pushed him out into the hall.

“Shit,” he snarled, “Shit, shit.”

Whizzer tried to give his shoulder a squeeze but Marvin jerked away.

“I should never have brought you. I knew something like this would happen,” he turned on Whizzer.

Whizzer backed up quickly, hands help up in defence.

“Woah, wait a second. I was doing just fine with those guys until you came over,” he was trying to feign anger but was completely taken aback by the venom in Marvin’s eyes.

“If I’ve just lost my job-“

“You’ll do what? Huh?” Whizzer shouted back, letting the injustice fizz up inside him, “This wasn’t my fault.”

“Not you’re fault? You were the one who insisted on coming in the first place!” Marvin was red with fury, and embarrassment.

Whizzer sucked in a breath but suddenly became aware of the attention they were drawing to themselves. He forced himself to breath steadily and said, “Let’s not do this here.”

“No. Let’s not,” Marvin pushed passed Whizzer and stormed away down the hall. 

Whizzer contemplated following but he let Marvin go. Marvin needed time to cool off and he really didn’t want to take the brunt of his anger. 

Whizzer waited for a moment, trying to push down the sick feeling rising in his stomach, then slowly followed Marvin down the hall.

***  
The night air was cooler than when they had set off and Whizzer found himself pulling his suit jacket tighter around himself to keep in the warmth. 

His heart felt heavy and his pace was slow.

He understood Marvin’s anger. He did. He had been living with the comments and looks for most of his life. Most of the time they were easy to ignore, but for Marvin… Marvin was still new to this. At least, new to being out and having to deal with the ignorance and bigotry. He just wished Marvin would lean on him more, let him in and let him help with adjusting, not keep playing the game of happy families and pretending that the real world doesn’t exist.

Whizzer turned the corner and paused for a moment. Marvin’s apartment was only a few blocks away, but in the other direction, also only a few blocks away, was the apartment of a man that Whizzer often frequented. It would be easy. So easy. To just turn around and give his attention to someone else, someone who would look after him without the drama. To not go home and deal with Marvin and the current crisis he was having. So easy.

But in his heart, Whizzer knew where he wanted to be. There was only one place he wanted to spend the night and that was curled up next to Marvin. Lately, he had found himself spending less and less time with other men, and more and more time with Marvin. Be careful Whizzer Brown, he had told himself, don’t get too attached, don’t get in too deep. But if he was being honest, it was probably too late. Though, he would never admit that to anyone.

These are the games I play, he thought to himself.

Just as he set off again, the hairs on the nape of his neck rose and goose bumps spread across his arms. He tried to tell himself that it was just from the cold but his gut had tightened instinctively and he picked up the pace. Something wasn’t right.

Before he had gone much further, blinding pain erupted in the back of his skull and he fell forwards with the force of the blow.

He scrambled round, vision swimming, trying to get into a position to defend himself. A hefty foot connected with his torso and the air was driven out of him as he crumpled back to the ground.

Gasping for breath, clutching his ribs, head throbbing, Whizzer managed to look at his attackers.

He recognised them as two of the men that had been with Roberts at the dinner. 

Whizzer rolled onto his side and curled up as tightly as he could as more blows rained down on him. Fists, feet, a baseball bat. He cried out as each blow landed and black spots crossed his vision.

Someone grabbed him by the scruff and hauled him up so that a face could be thrust into his own. 

“Filthy queer,” the man snarled.

“You can tell Marvin not to bother coming into work on Monday,” the other sneered. 

A fist was thrust into his stomach and Whizzer collapsed to the ground, shaking with each sobbing breath.

He heard the men walk away as consciousness slipped from him.

***  
Marvin was sick with worry. 

Whizzer hadn’t come home last night so Marvin assumed he was off with another man, but when he hadn’t come home this morning, he had really started to grow concerned.

It wasn’t until the phone rang and he had answered that dread and panic set in.

“H-hello?”

“Hello, is this Marvin?”

“Yes.”

“My name is Doctor Lear. We had a man brought in late last night. He had no I.D on him but we did find your name and number on the back of a photograph, which I’m assuming, is of the two of you?”

Marvin swallowed hard.

“Whizzer is in hospital?” he heard himself say.

“Whizzer? Has Whizzer got a last name?”

“Brown,” Marvin’s voice was so meek, he wasn’t sure she had heard him.

“Brown,” the Doctor repeated.

“What, uh, what happened?” Marvin croaked, his chest squeezing tightly.

“We think he was attacked. He’s been beaten pretty badly and is still unconscious but he’s stable.”

“Oh god,” Marvin had to choke back a sob, “He’s- is he- I uh-“

“Sir he’s going to be okay. You can come in and we can have a proper chat.”

“Right, yes. Th-thank you,” Marvin stammered.

He hung up the phone and stared at the wall in shock. 

Guilt was the first thing that really took hold, clawing at his gut and twisting his heart. This was his fault. His fault and he knew it.

***  
Whizzer looked very small in the hospital bed. 

His head was bandaged, his left arm was in a cast. The Doctor had said that he had three cracked ribs and a bruised kidney. She had also said that he was going to be okay, but looking at him like this, he just looked so fragile and vulnerable and… young.

Marvin flumped down in the chair next to the bed and held his head in his hands. It took him a moment to regain his composure and bring himself to look at his lover. 

“God, Whizzer, I’m so sorry,” he reached out and slid his fingers into Whizzer’s hand.

He rubbed small circles into the skin, trying to ignore the fact that Whizzer’s usually warm hands were just too cool. 

Tears pricked at his eyes and he swiped them away with his sleeve. He had to be strong. When Whizzer woke up, when he woke up, he would be confused and scared and hurting. So Marvin had to be strong for the both of them.

He found himself wondering how long Whizzer had been on the street before someone had found him and brought him in. He wondered how many people had just walked past him and ignored him. The thought made his blood boil and he tightened his grip on Whizzer’s hand.

“Ow,” Whizzer said weakly.

“Whiz!” Marvin was on his feet in an instant, leaning over the younger man to press his lips to Whizzer’s cheek.

“Hey,” Whizzer tried to shift but grimaced in pain.

“Don’t move. Don’t move kid. You’re going to be okay.”

“Hurts,” Whizzer frowned with his bottom lip stuck right out.

Marvin couldn’t help but laugh at Whizzer’s expression and Whizzer flashed him a small smile.

Marvin faltered, “I’m so sorry Whizzer. So sorry.”

“For what? You didn’t hit me with a bat did you? No? then shut up,” Whizzer scowled at him.

“But-but I-“

“We fought Marvin. It’s what we do. You couldn’t have known this was going to happen,” Whizzer squeezed Marvin’s hand.

A tear rolled down Marvin’s cheek and his heart clenched at the warm look Whizzer gave him.

“If anything worse had happened…” Marvin’s voice caught in his throat.

“Well, it didn’t,” Whizzer sighed.

“Do you know who did this? You could press charges,” Marvin coaxed.

Whizzer looked away and blinked slowly.

“No,” he said.

“Whiz-,” Marvin tried.

“No, Whizzer repeated firmly, “It doesn’t matter. And the police won’t do anything anyway. I’ve been down this road before.”

“What?” Marvin was taken aback slightly.

“I’m gay Marvin. This isn’t the first time I’ve been physically attacked. Though,” Whizzer looked at his broken arm, “Never quite this bad.”

He paused, then gave Marvin such a look of startling concern, Marvin’s breath hitched.

“Marv, am I still pretty?”

Whizzer’s expression wavered and he grinned. Marvin laughed and stroked his lovers face with a gentle caress.

“Of course,” he smiled.

“Good, cause I’d hate for you to be the prettier one in this relationship,” Whizzer huffed.

Marvin’s brain took a moment to process what Whizzer had said.

“Relationship?” he repeated.

Whizzer smiled softly.

“Well, what else would you call this?” he gestured to himself and Marvin with his good hand.

Marvin leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Whizzer’s lips. Whizzer hummed in his throat and weaved his fingers with Marvin’s. God, how he loved this man. This ridiculous man who was still able to make him laugh even though life had thrown him down the proverbial stairs. 

“God I hate hospitals,” Whizzer grumbled as Marvin moved back.

“I’ll talk to the Doc about when you can come home,” Marvin settled back into the chair.

“Good, cause I can’t imagine a worse place to spend time with you than this.”

Marvin just smiled.


End file.
